tainted_love

Psychology history in the news! Really interesting. I certainly read about H.M. before in psych classes.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/05/us/05hm.html?em=&pagewanted=all#

I also just saw this film about Alzheimer’s in my psychopathology class made by this woman who documented her mother's Alzheimer's. The take away message was that you can still have a personality even if you don't have memory. We think of our memories as being so integral to who we are and I think that is true. But it's cool to think that we still have identities even with out memories.

Wow.....

My reading for psychotherapy keeps blowing my mind over and over again. As I read, I just keep thinking....oh my god, that is exactly how I am or how my family is. Or I think, oh my god that is just like so and so (friends, kids I have worked with, etc.)

It's kind of hard to take it all in, but I do think it's pretty amazing. So reassuring that things that happen make sense on some level. That everything has it's reason. Or at least some reason!

I wish I had the words to talk about all of this, but I think I'm slowly getting it more and more. I can't wait until things are clearer and it's easier to explain and understand.

According to my psychopathology professor, married men generally live longer than single men. But married women usually have shorter life spans than single women.

Hmmmm........

That sucks.

Marriage anyone? :P

I'm very worried about this neighborhood stray cat, who I have been calling Old-Crazy-Eye. This whole situation is puzzling me.

So when he first started coming around, I would scare him off b/c obviously this is Walter's territory and I want to help Walter defend his territory. I don't want him to get in fights. But then I started realizing that Walter and this cat don't fight. I have seen them nearish each other. Ok, not close or anything, but they don't seem to see each other as hostile. So then I tried to stop scaring this other cat.

So this cat has one messed up eye. He still has both eyes, but one of them got injured somehow and is like a bigger slit. I don't know how to describe it. Anyway, he is white with orange tabby spots (kind of like how Walter is white with gray tabby spots). And he is quite skinny and hasn't been neutered.

So somehow I got it in my head that I should be-friend him or trap him so that I can take him to the vet to be neutered and given shots. I want to to this so he doesn't make more stray kitties and so that he doesn't carry diseases that Walter could get.

So a few days ago I starting feeding him a bit. And now he is less scared of me. But I still can't get that close. And yesterday I noticed that his eye is looking worse. It looked red and I think I saw some ooze of some sort. So now I think he really might need some medical attention. But I'm just not sure how to go about doing this!

I mean, he is a wild cat. Even if he got used to me I don't think it would be a good idea for me to pick him up. How will I get him in a cat carrier? And even if I do, I'd have to make a vet appointment in advance! I'd have to be able to know I could get him.

I have been reading online about Feral cat catch, neuter and release programs. They recommend getting a trap and then setting it the day before your vet appointment (and of course telling them the situation in case you couldn't trap the cat). But then I'd have to get a trap. Maybe I can borrow one from some organization or the vet.

I just feel very responsible for the poor thing. I started trying to give him a real name, besides Old Crazy Eye. I was thinking of some old fashioned name like Walter, but a kind of ugly one b/c he is pretty ugly. That's why I couldn't take him to the pound. He is pretty ugly b/c of his eye so I don't think anyone would adopt him and then they would kill him! So I don't think that is an option.

Maybe Chadwick or Percival. I called him Crookshanks ( Hermoine's cat in Harry Potter) and he sneezed after I said it, so maybe that is right. He is orange and ugly, just like Crookshanks. Hmmm...any good name ideas? Or trapping ideas?

Here is an interesting article my friend forwarded me. It would seem that Southern California has a little problem with bathtub cheese, but if I was you I would stay away from the stuff even if you aren't in SoCal! Lol!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24954041/from/ET/

Ethan's dad died Sunday night. It was sudden and unexpected. Ethan is so sad. I feel so sad for his family and for him. I don't really know what else to say right now. He will be missed.

I'm going to Coachella tomorrow! I'm so excited! I'm taking both Friday and Monday off of work. It felt so good to get out of work today...I'm ready to go roast in the desert and listen to some fabulous music! I bought two casual sun dresses from J Crew just for the occasion. Hoooooray!

I'm tired, tired, tired today. Thank goodness tomorrow is my last day of work for 3 weeks! Hooray for vacations! I love working at a school.

It's been Half Days at school, which means the kids are in EDP from 12:30-6 every day! It's been going really well, but today it's catching up with me. I'm done with all the elaborate planning. Arg. I'm going to be quite happy to not see the kids for 3 weeks. And there is so much I want to do around the house and garden that I have been putting off. The garden is so full of weeds it's depressing!

I can't wait to really focus on Christmas and enjoying the holidays. Ethan and I already have a tree up with lights and a few decorations, but I want to borrow some more ornaments from my mom and really deck it out. It's actually quite a large tree, at least compared to the one I got last year. But now that I have a house, I figure I need a bigger tree! Walter was very excited at first about the outdoors coming in, but I think he is over it now.

Oh, I fired someone last week. That was hard. I was so proud of myself for doing it. Due to legal reasons, I could only tell him that we didn't need him any more...so really it was more of a "letting go" than firing, but hey it was still an icky thing to do. But I'm happy he won't be in my program next year. It will be quite a relief. He really just wasn't working out.

And I'm going to Hawaii on the 27th with Ethan! Casey and his new girlfriend will be joining us there on the 30th. I'm very excited! It will be a great vacation. I hope Casey's gf is nice. I hear very good things about her from the family, so I'm not that worried. And anyway, it's not like we have to spend all our time together. It's a big house and a big island!

Oh, crap I just realized I haven't gotten my gift for the Secret Santa thing we are having at work. Tomorrow we are supposed to give people the big gift of about $20. I have already gotten Jen some M&Ms and other small things. I hope my S.S. gets me something. I haven't gotten anything all week, and I gave Jen 2 cards with small gifts already. :(

Well, I just have to go veg on the sofa. I was going to work out on my bike, but I just don't think I'm in the mood. I feel a bit blah right now. Exercise would probably make me feel better, but I don't think it's going to happen.

Hooray! It's so amazing! I can see with my own eyes. The surgery wasn't bad at all. No pain at all. Some discomfort perhaps but not pain at all. I was out of the doctor's office in 40 minutes. Then I slept most of the day. My vision was already better when I left the doctor's office and it was even better after I woke up! Today I went to the doctor's office again and everything seems to be going well. I have a little more inflation than average, but they just upped the anti-inflaminotry eye drops. Really, I just think the whole thing is a miracle. I do have to put in all these eye drops and wear these crazy eye shields at night and I can't rub my eyes for a month amongst other things but this is all totally worth it to be able to see the alarm clock when I wake up in the morning!!! I'm very very happy!

I'm back from my East Coast trip! I had an amazing time, but I'm also really happy to be back home. Walter is being very cute. I can tell he missed me. I'm so tired. We didn't sleep last night. We stayed out at a bar in Brooklyn until 3:30 am and then got a cab to the airport a half hour latter since our flight was at 6am. I slept some on the plane, but not enough. I felt much better after a nap, but I'm still tired and I think I was a bit hung-over too...and dehydrated from the plane on top of that. All day I have been loafing around not wanting to move, especially since it's hot (though no where near as hot and humid as the East). Now I better go to bed. I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow, especially considering that the whole house needs to be cleaned as there is cat hair everywhere since poor Walter was inside for two weeks!

Love to all my friends, especially Ivy for letting Ethan and I stay at her place and to N. for letting us use her air mattress! Aren't you glad we didn't pop it? ;)

I'm going to the East Coast! I purchased 2 roundtrip tickets to NYC for Ethan and I for $10!! (Well, I also used 50,000 miles that I have saved up over the years). We will be arriving June 28th very very early after a red-eye flight and leaving very very early July 14th. I'm hoping to spend most of my time in NYC with Casey, but I have 2 other high school friends that I haven't seen in forever in NYC also. Then we will be heading down to Philly to visit S. and N. Hoooray! Then I want to go to Boston and other parts of Mass. I want to make it out to Smith so that Ethan can see first hand where my educational heart it. I'm hoping we can even make it up to Maine for a day too. Ethan has never been to the East Coast, so he is all excited. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to be getting between all these cities. I imagine I can take a train or something between NYC and Philly. But I'll probably rent a car for traveling around Mass. But I really want to avoid having to drive in NYC at all costs, so I'm not sure how it will all work out. I'm also wondering what it will be like to visit people as a couple. I haven't ever really done that. I guess it will be an adventure. I'm so excited about it!! I'm a bit worried about Walter. I don't know who I'm going to ask to watch him. I'm sure I'll figure it out though.

I painted my bedroom in my new house. The color is Hubbard Squash, which is a nice earthy light yellow.

http://www.sherwin-williams.com/do_it_yourself/paint_colors/paint_color_palette/color_themes/arts/int_arts.jsp

It took me two days because I had to use primer over the dark purple. I still have to paint the second bedroom. I'm dying to move in. I'm feeling so impatient. Hopefully it will be soon.

Shit, it is late and I have to get up early. I gots to go!

My computer is back! It was broken but the fabulous Apple store fixed it and now I'm back on the internet and have my calendar! Huzah! I was pretty bummed that it broke down in the first place. It was a hardware issue, not a software issue...but it didn't effect my hard-drive so none of my documents or stuff were lost, thank goodness! I was pissed because this is the second time my computer broke down and one of the major reasons I bought a Mac was because they aren't supposed to break down. But the guy at the Apple store made me feel better because he pointed out that Mac's don't have a lot of software problems/breakdowns (like freezing and shit) but that you can't avoid hardware issues in any machine, which makes sense to me.

Things have been pretty crazy, not even counting the computer problems. My mom had an amazing wedding...I cried during their vows and I felt fabulous in my beautiful dress. I got my house!!!!!! Hoooray! I loooooove it! They finished putting in heat on Friday and now I'm going to paint the two bedrooms because the color now sucks. I picked out these two fabulous historical colors from Sherwin Williams that are supposedly authentic colors from the Arts and Crafts style. It's not like I want to decorate my whole house in the Craftsman style, but I have really been enjoying learning more about it and I really like the style. I would love to get at least some craftsman style furniture and stuff....at least eventually. I don't want to go crazy and get a lot of furniture right away. I want to wait because I'm already spending so much money on it and I want to get a feel for the house first. I think I have most of the furniture that I will need right away, so I'm not sweating it. Though I do feel a certain amount of furniture lust. I'm also feeling anxious to move it. I have to wait until I finish painting because I don't want to deal with painting with furniture in the house. I'm worried I won't be able to finish it all this weekend, so I'll have to wait longer. Errr. But I will move in before June for sure.

Which brings me to another thing...Ethan is going to move in with me in June! After a lot of thinking, we are going to go for it. He is practically living with me already and we have been going out for 2 years now (We started dating in May). I'm worried about feeling like a housekeeper or resenting him if he doesn't clean enough, but I think that is something we will be able to work out. I was worried that I would get possessive...get angry if he goes out with friends instead of coming home to me, but I'm not as worried about that now. Mostly because now that he actually spends the night every night, it doesn't bug me when he does go out with friends or something because I know he'll come back eventually. I think it used to be the not knowing if he was going to come over or not that made me feel possessive. I feel so happy with our relationship right now. It's so comfortable and loving. So it just feels like the right thing to do. Also, I feel that if living together doesn't work out, it will be good to know that sooner than later. It will be make or break, and I want to know. I know that it will feel fun at first..like playing house...but that it will be hard. But I feel up to the challenge. It will test our relationship and our communication skills. I think it has the potential to deepen our relationship. I guess it could end up destroying it instead, but that's just a risk I'll have to take. I'm excited about it!

I'm still trying to figure out the whole East Coast trip, but hopefully I'll get the tickets soon!

I have a meeting with Dr. W and A tomorrow. It's just their meeting they have once every two weeks. But I'm hoping that at the end of it we will talk about my salary for next year and make it official!

Ok, it's way late and I have to get up early tomorrow for analysis, which is going sooo well. I need to write about it soon.

It's my spring break from school (by which I mean my work) and I'm going to go visit Erica tomorrow! Hooray!

It was a bit of a last minute decision, but I'm really glad I made it. And I thought that my cousin would not be in San Fran, but as it turns out she is getting back from NYC tomorrow. So hopefully I'll get to see her too.

I'm coming back on Tuesday, mostly because I have things to do here like get ready for my mom's wedding and stuff for the house.

Ethan is off on a road trip with his friends. I was bit hurt that he decided to go with them instead of going to San Fran with me, but I'm gonna have tons of fun without him.

Ooh, and I just found out some people at work are thinking of going to Puerto Nuevo on Thursday. And on Friday I'm going to a concert in the O.C. Ethan and his friends are actually going to meet me there at the end of their trip. I'm also hoping to go to Anthropologie while I'm there.

The one bad piece of news is that the principal is making me interview again for the director job, which annoys me. I mean, who else are they going to hire? I think she just wants to put off deciding on a salary. The only way I feel better about it is when I realize that she wasn't there for my first interview because she had an a problem with a kid to deal with. However, she did talk to me personally (kind of a mini-interview) after that. Anyway, it just means I have to wait until the end of April to know for sure that I have the job.

I have been meaning to write this for a while now...I love the tv show Son's and Daughters! I love it, love it, love it! It cracks me up every time and I genuinely care about all of the characters even though it hasn't been on that long. All of the characters are fatally flawed but also so lovable. Everyone has to watch it! And they play two episodes in a row for some crazy reason, which makes me feel like I'm getting away with something!

Ethan: “Samoas are the best cookies in the world.”

Me: “They are pretty good but not my favorite”

Ethan: “I love them. There’re all soft and chewy on the outside and crunchy on the inside and when you chew them up it’s a wonderful medley of goodness!”

Me: “You’re a wonderful medley of goodness.”

Awwww….

We were just cracking ourselves up!

Last week Nellie got put to sleep. She was a very sweet cat, even though she was so skidish and sometimes a bit strange. She had cancer. There was this tumor on the side of her face about the size of a marble. They didn’t know what it was so they did surgery to get rid of it. In two days in grew back to the same side and the biopsy said it was cancer. So we decided to put her to sleep instead of waiting for her to get sick and suffer. She was 14 or 15, so she was pretty old. I guess she always seemed young compared to Esa. I got to see her before they put her down. It was very hard to say goodbye, especially since she wasn’t sick yet but I think my mom made the right decision. This is the first time in a long time that my mom hasn’t had a cat at the house. It’s a good thing her friend is getting her two Siamese kittens for her wedding in April.

Damn it! I just wrote a lovely update on my Valentine's Day but I lost it b/c of my stupid internet problems. Errrrr. I'm too pissed to re-do the whole thing right now.

I’ve lost my voice. I had the beginnings of a cold last weekend and I thought I had kicked it to the curb. But today I woke up phlegmy and coughing with a horse voice. Working from 12 to 6 with a bunch of 2nd and 1st graders just finished the job. I’m quite wheezy and raspy now. The trouble is you really can’t conserve you voice working with little kids: you have to raise your voice especially for the ones that aren’t listening and are wandering away from you! I mean it’s not like I yell at them all the time, but you have to be loud! And I would have probably been all right any other day except Thursday (my long day-usually I work from 2:45 to 6). I’m really upset about this. I have lots of fun plans for this weekend that include drinking heavily, which will be quite upset by sickness. Last time I really drank when I was a little sick, I also lost my voice. So what would it be like if I went into the whole situation with no voice to begin with? I know rationally that if I’m sick I should not drink, but I really want to. I’ll just hope and pray that I’ll feel better tomorrow. I’m seriously thinking I may call in sick tomorrow. I’ll just hope I can find someone to sub for me. But really it is quite dumb to watch kids if you have no voice.

In other news, I may have just solved some long-standing internet issues. I have been struggling with the whole wireless internet thing for quite some time now. Our old Linksys was not giving us the performance we wanted so we bought some really cool AirPort Express thingys. I have two that “bridge” or talk to each other giving us more signal strength. This is necessary since the modem/cable box thing is in the living room. (I hope everyone enjoys my very technical description) It’s really not long of a distance, but apparently old houses were not built with wireless communication in mind! (can you believe it?) Yes, the walls of my house repel waves somehow. Anyway, the Express things are cool also because I can now use my iTunes on my computer to play music though my stereo in my living room. This whole wonderful thing was so hard to set up. C and I stressed out a lot, but eventually we got our act together. Unfortunately, nothing is that simple…my computer was still getting the internet slow and much to my chagrin C’s computer was super fast, even in my room where my computer is!! I have tried changing a lot of things and C was even saying I should get more RAM, but I just managed to download some software updates (which took forever and took multiple attempts because the internet wasn’t working and would interrupt the downloading). And it’s a miracle! My internet is once again fast!! I’m just hoping it stays that way and I don’t have to get more RAM or any other damn solution. I just want it to work and work well!!!! I’m hoping I haven’t jinxed myself by celebrating in livejournal so quickly. I guess we will have to see.

I’m off to drink vast amounts of tea and bombard my system with vitamin C and Airborne. Wheeeee!

I carved a pumkin last night! It was lots of fun. Some of C's friends came over and we all carved pumkins and ate pizza and stuff. I was a bit tired though, so I was glad when they left. But overall it was a good time. I hadn't carved a pumkin in quite a while.

In other Halloween related new items, I bought a costume today! It's a sexy nun costume, sexy meaning that the dress is a tube top sort of thing with a high slit up the leg. And there is a little wimple type thingy also. I still may add the whole pregnant effect by sticking a balloon or something under this dress. But I'm not entirely sure it will work as it is a rather fitted nun outfit. I tried on a more traditional nun costume, but the wimple was this big affair and I felt wierd having most of my head covered so I think my costume will be more fun. Anyway, I'm hoping that it will all work out one way or another.

So everyone has to read the Thursday Next novels. I have read two so far. The first one is call "The Eyre Affair." It's by Jasper Fforde. The double f is strange, right? But anyway, they are amazingly fun. The Wall Street Journal says, "filled with clever wordplay, literary allusion and bibliowit, The Eyre Affair combines elements of Monty Python, Harry Potter, Stephen Hawking and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But its quirky charm is all its own." And this it totally true! It's also has a bit of a Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy feel. The book is set in the UK in the 80s but an alternate universe 80s where dodos are cloned as pets and the public is obsessed with literature. Thursday Next is a Special Operative in literary detection and she totally kicks ass! I could go on and on, but I shouldn't spoil it. The whole point is that everyone should read it AS SOON AS THEY CAN, though I understand if that silly thing called "law school" gets in the way for some people.